Locke's St. Jimmy Day Parade

It is needed. We need more people like him. St. Jimmy. The plain old bit of ultra violence. If we follow someone until the day we die, we lose something in ourselves. we lose that piece that makes us...us

There is broken glass everywhere. Falling in large and small pieces. Falling and ending the world and things that make no sense. GOD DAMN!!! I have to smoke something. A cigarette.



Change of A Dress

Well, school is almost out. For me it's out tomorrow. Yep, thats it, tomorrow is my last real day of high school. It might even be my last day ever. We'll see about that though.

Some people get really nervous about leaving high school. For some reason I don't have this fear. Could I have changed it early on? Maybe. I think for most of my classmates, it hit them just now that they are leaving the public school system forever. They are no longer victims in the Nazi death camps that are the public school system. It hit me a long time ago so I don't really think that is a factor here. I'm excited that I'll be getting lots of money for graduation presents.

I don't really have a clue what it is that I am going to do after high school. Most of my classmates have had the rest of their lives planned for them from birth, so there's not that stress there. Or maybe its a changed stress. They could very well have new levels of hyper-stress that I will never know. Think about it. They have their whole lives planned for them, what happens if they start thinking for themselves and trying to live their own lives. Or, even worse. What happens when mommy and daddy die in a car crash or get trapped in a elevator for four days and the father ends up eating the mother and he gets put away for forty years to life for raping and killing everyone in the elevator? What then?

Granted thats a worse case scenario. But it could happen. But what happens when the worst things that you could ever think of happend to these people. They say you only live once. What if thats true and these people are wasting their lives away acting for mommy and daddy and kissing their asses in hopes that they will buy them the new corvette for graduation. Or, what if the parents snap out of it? What if the parents don't want to pay for everything and make every fucking choice for their spoiled brat of a kid? What would the kid do? Move on? Unlikly. Fade away? Maybe. Die? Hope not.

Believe it or not, but there are some half-ass decent people in the world that might have something in themselves to give to the rest of us. Or maybe the world is full of total jackasses , and our best chances for survival is to send them all out in a boat and sink it? No, no. That would leave the bodies. Choices.

That, my friends, is what I love about being in the family that I am. My mother has given me these choices. She has let me make these choices myself. Some have been very good. And some have been not-so good. But they were my choices. And, mom, if you ever read this. Thank you.

Keep Running you aweful jackasses. The choices someone makes could be your own.



We Are The Night Watchers, But That's Not Your Problem

There is something so pure and wonderful about the night. We walk in it, we are saturated by it. Everything is different in the night. Everything is new and fresh. There are some that would argue this point in favor of the morning hours, but the human body was not meant to get up and the ass-crack of dawn. Think about it. Humans, at some point, were hunters. All the good little animals and things either came out at night or were sleeping thus easier to kill. We are supposed to be night "owls." But some people just can't help but get up in the morning and stomp around the house in purposeful hopes of waking everyone else up.

Everything begins promptly at 8:30. Which is the real problem.

The way the night means to me, it... it just cannot be explained here. Or anyway for that matter. It is saddening as well because not everyone feels this way or understands. You can walk and walk and walk, you don’t really get as tired because the fucking daystar isn't right up your ass. There is just something so glorious about a perfectly green tree being eliminated by a perfectly white streetlamp. I love that.

I have a friend. This friend and me go walking at night. We walk everywhere. One time, we went on a 13-mile long walk. It was everything I thought it could be. Obviously it was tiring. But not in the way a daytime walk does to you. We could have kept going if my shins weren't about to give out. This was the point of it. To walk everywhere.

There are things in this world that are very old. These things need to be kept safe. There are many of these things in Santa Fe. This is where we walk around. I'm not just talking about old things that have been here since the 90's. There is some of that. But I am talking about things that have been here since the area was inhabited by Native Americans and the like.

It's unexplainable. The purity and gorgeousness of the night and all it wonderful secrets. The world is alive at night, more so than during the day, the hustle and bustle isn't there. Which, in some eyes, takes away the liveliness. But I think the lack of a lot of people makes for a better time. If I have to I will go out in the day, but it's just too damn hot. The night is perfect and the night holds many things not normally spoken of. But here I am saying them.

Beautiful Serenity.

I recall one night. Me, Mike, Jay, and my two siblings were walking and we stopped for a rest near a small waterfall. The feeling there was too overwhelming, I thought, to stay very long. The peacefulness was staggering.

No one is ever at peace during the day as they could be during the night.

The night is one of those things that is a rare gift that comes and goes and a disapprovingly fast rate. Before you know it, the night is gone. But at the same time, before you know it, there it is. Welcoming you with open arms.

It is rich and beautiful, unexplainable to even the smartest person in the world. The night is wonderful.

The most beautiful thing I have ever seen.



I Keep Posting, You Keep Reading

I haven't post all weekend, which is why I am going on a post spree today. This is the place that I can get out all that crap that bugs the shit out of me and I can do it in my own style of writing. I like post at my Frozen Genesis forum, but that's not nearly as formal. Plus That FrozenDomo kid isn't, he's too weird for my tastes. Which, in all reality, is not saying much at all.

There are certain things in this world that tend to keep a few people going. Writing happens to be mine, some people choose art in the painting and drawing sense of the word. And still other find that magical thing that they can go with for the rest of there lives. I don't know what that is yet, but I guess that part of growing up, finding what it is that you can do for the rest of your life and still be happy and not shoot everyone at or office or school.

You don't really hear that much of office shootings, just school shootings. Maybe people don't care as much about a few grown ups killing more grown ups, but when a kid can't take it anymore, we have to call the fucking army of therepists and shrinks. Why do we do this? Is it because us kids and young adults are too fucked up to deal with our own shit? So much so that we need a pushy know-it-all jackass to tell us that the only reason we feel like crap is because we need to sleep more? No that can't be the reason. Then what is it? Grown ups don't trust us with us, its as simple as that. We do, but thats because we know us. Why else would kids and young adults rather hang out with their friend than go to their grandparents for an afternoon brunch or some shit like that? We are just two different species. And the sad thing is, that one day we are going to be like this. We are going to be the one's that send our kids to the psycho-person-fixer, because we found a lighter and cigarettes in their pockets while doing the laundry. But what we could do instead is let them figure out that smoking is not very good for you. Let them tell themselves what is right and wrong, with some minor help from the parent. As much as parents and grown ups want to believe, some kids and young adults are very smart. Sometime they are smarter that most "grown ups." In fact, I happen to know several "grown ups" that are really not that grown up. They can't think for themselves. They are the one's that their parent led their lives when they were kids. This is wrong. Let the damn kid figure it out themselves. Fuck, I may have kids just to prove all those people wrong that I wouldn't amount to anything. Fuck, I may have kids to prove to those people that I am capable and I and willing to love someone else instead of flipping out and killing everyone and myself in a last desparation act. Fuck.

Then again maybe I won't have kids, because they're annoying.



The biggest game conference in the world comes together this week, and I couldn't be more excited. New information about all the next-geneeration consoles, includeing PS3, Xbox 360, and the new Nintendo thing......anyway, the information that is going to be in the hands of gamers everywhere is denfinitly going to be worth haveing. I can't wait for a possible release date of Final Fantasy XII, and Kingdom Hearts II. Good times will be had by all this Saturday and Sunday.

Games are something that means so much to alot of very diffent people, I my self love RPGs, while other like.......um......Halo. Well not everyone can be perfect.


Pink Floyd's The Wall

I did it again. I took LSA again. But this time instead of running around and acting like a complete jackass, I did something quite enjoyable. I watched The Wall. Great movie while not high. Best movie ever while high. This movie will never be the same. The colors were talking and the sounds tasted great. There is no way this was not a good thing. Jaydler was there, he can vouch for this.

But Jay and I can both agree when we say that we don't really know if it was worth the stomach ache. But then we remember the wonderful times we had watching The Wall and it all goes away.

The Wall is one of those things that someone did at some point and had no idea what kind of impact it would have on many many people. But that's exactly what happened. Just being there is something extra special, like getting a better bike than you hoped for on your birthday. Everyone needs to see The Wall, flat out, that simple. But I think only a few select people might be able to handle the delicate mind workings and trappings that The Wall has in store for those willing enough to go after it. You have to want it now. More that you want that new bike. If you can't handle it... you know what, it doesn't really matter, you'll know when you are ready. Until then, the world makes fun of you but all you have to do is make the world fun. Keep running you swine, the tiger is right fuckin' behind you.



I Say Fuck Prom

There is a certain event that happens every year at our school, and many others for that matter. This dreadful thing is called Prom. This has to be avoided. It has to be avoided at all costs. I have decided not to go this year, or at all. I got a free ticket from the school, due to me being a senior. But I still dont think I am going to go. There are things that would make me go, hot girls asking me is one way, but I dont feel like going otherwise. Just somthing about it pisses me off. I dont really know what, but it does.



Mac Rage

I hate Macs. We have to use them at school and they inspire me to kill things. Like people. Or small animals. Or small people. Or small people animals.


Keep Running

Freerunning is something that I have not been a part of for very long but I love it just the same. I have done a few spots, mostly around Santa Fe. I plan on going back soon so I can get some good gloves and film us freerunning.
Most of us can't really help but do something so extraordinary that people can't help but notice. Sometimes in order for you to get people to listen to you, you have to hit them in the face with a sledge-hammer. This can be taken both literally and figuratively. But sometimes I like the literal sense of it more.
This is a good thing, I guess. The freerunning gives me something that I haven't had in a while. I'll be sure to get back to you once I find that out.
To belive in love at a young age is foolish. Even in high school. Your just bound to get your heart thrown of a bridge. I'm sorry if this pisses anyone off, but high school girls can be the most cruel beings in all the world. But I can't help but love you, you crazy bitches. Call it dumb luck or something, but don't ever let it go, for those who let it go often find themselves in the bottom of a hole too deep to get out of. Mindless ramblings. Senseless gibberish. Keep Running you crazy bitch, don't let the past bite you in the ass, and always Keep Running toward the future.


Slow Recovery

I still feel like crap, but that doesn't really matter that much. I don't know if it was the morning glories or not, but for some reason I had a nasty fever last night. I still don't feel 100% but I do feel a little better.

I don't really plan on doing the LSA again real soon. I'm going to Micheal's this weekend, but I think I'll just stick to freerunning this weekend.

One of my good friends Dylan (Hereby refered to as Jay or Jaydler) is going to Soccoro this weekend, so I'll either have to go to Micheal's (Hereby refered to as Death or Questy) or hang out with Jordan (Ace) and Kyle (Spike) and the rest of the band members of Sudden Epidemic. Good times.

What do we do in this small town of Los Alamos (Hell, the bad one)? Well for starters we get bored and burn things. So we go to Santa Fe. Or we get wasted and smoke and have sex. More good times.

But hey, we have not a damn thing else to do.



Friday Afternoon in the Park

It's not Friday, it's never been Friday, but it should be.

Random thoughts and mostly made of people too far-gone.

There are a lot of idiots in the world and most of them have not realized how much I hate them but they should because it will be apparent very soon.

The town I live in is falling apart. The people are becoming too real and not real enough. The lab will leave. That is certain. When the lab leaves, the whole town will leave too. We are nothing with out the lab. Or, rather, the town is nothing. We are half ready fall part and collapse in on ourselves. We can't help it. We make the lab and the lab makes us. It's a scary thing but the truth is sometimes scary. I will try to leave. Or do my best not to come back. I can't come back. If I come back I won't ever leave again. Who knows? Maybe I'll go to Japan or Europe somewhere. Wherever I go it can't be in New Mexico.
It's not so much my disliking of this town that makes me want to leave, but the need to. Well, the disliking the town is there, but it is not as real as the other feeling that come with living in a small town, where if you come home drunk the whole town is up your ass with their shitstorms. We can't help it; we love to piss people off. We need to feel this way or we explode. Our parents took too much acid while they were pregnant, but that’s what comes with life and living and keeping our cool in tough situations. Keep on moving you awful jackass, keep going toward the light and don't let anyone tell you that you are who the magazines say you are. Keep trucking, life gets pretty good once you leave your small town prison.


The Space Between This World and the Next

Well, I feel like crap. My head hurts and I'm really tired. I want to think it wasn't the Morning Glories, but you never know. Anyway, I had a good time. I started out the evening playing Devil May Cry 3, but lost interest fast. I felt sick to my stomach, so I sat down in a white chair in Micheal's "living-room-thing." As the morning glories began to kick in, I felt the need to act the way Johnny Depp does in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Pretty soon, I couldn't stop even if I tired. For about an hour that was all I could think about. I had to act that way and I couldn't stop myself. In this hour I spent in the chair, I was muttering nonsense and my sister Laura and taking careful note as to what was said and wrote it down in a Word document. I'll post that later.
It only gets better. I then got up and started working on the computer. I posted something in my forum Frozen Genesis. I wrote down some thoughts in the Word document. And for some reason, I opened Photoshop so I could type something. Weird, I know. Then the sickness came back. I got up and went in the bathroom and sat on the for for like half an hour to forty-five minutes. I wasn't throwing up, I was just sitting there. I just sat there looking at the walls and listening to the chaos outside. My brother was going crazy and I didn't want any part of that.
Apparently he had been watching The Saint and Micheal had put the subtitles on. Zach was reading the subtitles and responding to them as if the characters on the screen were talking to him. And he couldn't stop moving. At one point he couldn't help but keep moving. He might have exploded if he didn't, I dont know.
I sat in the bathroom, listening to White Rabbit. The shower was talking to me and I felt as if I was harming it or hurting its feelings because I couldn't respond to it. I felt really bad and I had to take a shower. So I did.
A shower while on LSA is the most wonderful thing you could ever do. When you are on LSA, every part of your body is hyper-sensitive. So a shower was just the thing I was looking for. I had my head in the shower head, letting the water spray on my face. I was muttering something to the effect of: "They all have lips." I have no idea where that came from, but I was repeating it for like 10 mins.
Once out of the shower I went back to Micheal's room. I sat there in the "Poem Chair" and I tried to spit more nonsense but I couldn't bring myself to even speak clearly.
At this point, I don't really remember what happened. But apparently like 2 hours went by. I do remember, Laura going to bed and me wanting the gummy snackes in the car outside. I also remember sitting down and watching the video of what we had done earlier. Micheal had been recording all of this. Now, after watching the video while high, I don't really know what I remember as in I was actually there or what I saw other people doing in the video. After the video, we went to bed. Which was a mistake at this point.
This is when I started getting The Fear. My brother Zach was making hellspawn noises. He was snoring, but it was unlike any snore I had ever heard. To add to that Fear, Micheal said that there was something on the roof. Flat out, I was scared out of my mind. I hardly got any sleep. I kept waking up to Zach demon noises, and the thing on the roof. I think I did go to sleep after the LSA wore off. But that was after 4 hours or so.
I will do this again, but with less people there, and I will have a better place to sleep, a gym mat on the floor just doesn't cover it.
I will get back to this as I start remebering more. But until then, see you later.



Morning, Glory

This is my new broken reality. Welcome to this new broken reality.

We have all been given a gift, this gift is the gift of choice. My choice is whether or not I take drugs. Some of these drugs might or might have included pot and other "imagination enhancers". What these other drugs are I will let you decide. That's what I was talking about earlier with choice. God bless you, you awful jackass.


Welcome To My Broken Reality

This is the first ever post here. I just felt that I needed someplace to put all the random happenings of everyday life and other such things.

Today I woke up and got some chocolate milk. I will be going down to Santa Fe later to hang out with some friends.

Tomorrow is mother's day. I guess I should do something about that. Hmmmm, yeah.

I just got Devil May Cry 3 for ps2. The game is fun but hard as hell. I have never played a game so hard. Well, no thats a lie. The most recent Contra was the hardest game I have ever played. Devil May Cry 3 is very very hard, but I cant stop playing it. It's like they put crack in something of it. Or they have some mind control device that makes resistance impossible. I barly broke it last night so I could go to sleep.

I guess I should start sleeping more. But I love video game too damn much. I also love freerunning. For anyone who doesn't know what freerunning is, it's where you run around and climb on stuff and then jump to other stuff, until you hurt yourself, or get tired. It really is fun, i swear. I love playing video games.

Ok, my #1 best video game achievment has to be beating Jak and Daxter with all 101 power cells, in just over 7 hours. Good times were most definitly had by all.


The Lowdown

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Santa Fe, New Mexico, United States
"So I've made peace with the fallen leaves, I see their same fate in my own body. I won't be frightened when I'm awoken from this dream and return to that which gave birth to me"

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