It's a "Maybe if things had been different" kind of thing

It happened. I am no longer a resident of Colorado, for better or worse. I haven't decided where this is going but I know it's going somewhere. I'm not doing much, little things here and there. Living in Santa Fe basically. Take that how you want but there's really no other way to describe it. If you've ever been to Santa Fe, and I'm talking the real Santa Fe here not the "other" end of town where the mall and all those fucking car dealerships are, you'll know of the Plaza and how it looks all lit up at night.

They're starting to put the luminarias out around town.

It's funny, for a long time I've been trying not to hide anything from the people in my life and, as all things go, that's failed. It's not hard to do, telling the truth. But I seem to fall short anyway. I can look someone in the eye and there's this moment where there they are, right there, in the moment, invested in what I'm telling them, I could say everything, tell them everything I have ever felt about them since I met them.

But I couldn't. It wouldn't have changed anything. You can't hope for something like that. It's not some self-loathing, I don't deserve it kind of thing. It's a "You can't be telling me that now." kind of thing or a "Maybe if things had been different" kind of thing.

Don't worry, I understand, that's why I didn't say anything.

Until I see you again, thanks for everything Bailey and I hope you find the happiness you deserve.

Always, Dustin

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Santa Fe, New Mexico, United States
"So I've made peace with the fallen leaves, I see their same fate in my own body. I won't be frightened when I'm awoken from this dream and return to that which gave birth to me"

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